Gomawu Miwoso!

In translation: Thank You. I hate you.

I'd like to keep this blog relatively short because I just posted something today. This is a brief follow up to my recent post.

Dear Mister Genie.

Thanks so much. You have been a really nice friend. Not only did you tease me before, you even snobbed me twice. Also, you were very sarcastic to me only to ask me out to be your date a few months later. Well what do you call that? I remembered when you asked me out to the prom and I said yes yet it didn't push through because I already had a forced date. Sucks, doesn't it? Then what happened now? You asked me out, right? What if I didn't have a forced date then?! And we were officially "partners"? You were even snobbing me during the prom, what's your problem?! You didn't even approach me to say hi. Oh so this is what it's gonna be had we been dates?! You would still look at your crush and you'd give me little importance is that it? Yeah. I guess that's it. Then I found out later on that I'm just "the next best thing" or "second best." Man, I'm not a spare tire that you just drag around whenever your best wheels get busted out! Meaning you only resorted to me because you were too shy to ask her out? Too shy...haha. Have some balls, dude. I have more balls than you. Grow up...

Your "prend"

You know who I am so don't go around asking everyone who the fuck this is.

In Retrospect

3rd Year. Often called the hardest level of high school, attributed to added subjects, new people, new challenges, more activites, etc. But to me, being a 3rd Year student meant reinventing yourself in a positive manner. So allow this somewhat lengthy blog post to give you more than a glimpse of my 3rd year life.

During the first day of classes, I wasn't nervous as at all. Why would I?! I've been studying in the same school for more than 5 years. I have assured myself that everything would be the same just as before. Nothing ever changes in our school though. But there is one thing that I told myself I would change, that is me. I promised myself that I would be a more confident person, a bolder young lady, a sturdier person. And upon entering that classroom, I told myself that this is a promise that I'm damn sure to keep. So I began making new friends, exhibiting my talents whenever there are given opportunities, and went as far as running for Student Executive Board,eventually winning the position of Assistant Secretary. All of these made me happy. For the first trimester, I would say that the promise I made is a promise well kept.

Until the second trimester...the second trimester was chock-filled with disaster both academically and personally. During the first few days of the second tri, I was still somewhat confident and bold. I could say what I want and do what I want. However, when news got to me that there were people from both my section and from the other section. When my friend told me about this, it scarred me deeply and made me want to withdraw from all forms of human contact for a while. I couldn't believe it then...I have done nothing wrong to them and they have treated me this way. I started to...not cry but rather give some space. I didn't communicate with anyone for quite some time and focused on myself first. I was giving too much, taking too little, and not thinking at all. And as if the batch's scrutiny wasn't enough, an old mistake of mine resurfaced and was found out by my other classmates, therefore ruining my reputation. For me, the issue is too sensitive and should therefore not be discussed here. September-October were my worst months...until the near-end of October during the UN Week celebration. Everything was cool with me and that group of friends whom I had a misunderstanding with, and our Brazil Samba Dance was up for the UN Week. And it was during this time..the very night of the celebration, that the Halloween Party was to be held. And it was also during the same Halloween Party that I danced Genie by Girls'Generation with my friend Makee. Over the course of three trimesters, so much has happened. My life became a roller coaster when it was just a carousel before.

To make this entry shorter, I did alot of things. Alot of things have been done. There were some things I did that I wish I could do again while there are also some things that I regret doing and couldn't even bring myself to think of. My life is a concrete example of what humans are. We do good things and get praised, we do bad things and get lambasted for it. No, we cannot go back and do things over again but we can change ourselves now. We can learn from these experiences and mature. Mature and prove to everyone that we have enough knowledge of what is wrong and right and thus guiding us into the rightful path. With solid, overflowing faith in God and in ourselves, we can do most anything...

Not to be religious but this may be the most awe-inspiring and beautiful quote from the Bible:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

-Philippians 4:13.

Na Honjaso Sarangeul Malhago...

So prom finally happened and just as expected, I was bored and I was even sick at that time so I had nothing to do but to just sit around, drink and hang out with my friends. But that was just the gist of it...there is a story behind everything and this is my story.

5:30 pm. I left our house at around that time to head to ___________ Hotel where our prom would be taking place. I was wearing a simple red dress and red heels but since I had short hair and I hate hair styling, I just placed a cute hairband on my head. That's hairdo for you! Once my mom dropped me off, I saw very, very few people inside some of them I know and some of them I don't. Either way, there were already schoolmates of mine. I said hi to some and took pictures with some while waiting for Ren and Rita, my two friends. I just glared and glared outside the window from the lobby, hoping for their arrival. After several minutes of waiting, they finally arrive and we registered all together, taking pictures afterwards.

When the registration was finally over, it's time for the main event. All the partners (mine was still missing) lined up and readied themselves to enter the ballroom itself. My partner was still not around, thus making me feel exalted. I didn't like my partner anyways and I would LOVE to be a bachelorette...not to be arrogant but I want a solo picture. Laugh all you want but it's the truth. Anyways, so a little past six, he finally arrives along with several other latecomers and the party finally starts. I frustratingly grabbed his arm as we walk down the red carpet and pretend to smile for the camera. All pairs did this, though. As we reached our table (and I'm damn lucky that I'm in the same table as Ren), the guys pulled their partners' seats but I told mine *haughtily* not to. He had no choice but to follow. I pulled my own chair and sat down tired, bored, aggressively, and crossed. He had no idea what was going on inside my mind.

I'm not blogging about the prom itself. I'm blogging about how I felt during the prom. Fast forward some 2 hours later....Social Dancing. The suckiest part for me. During the social dance, the guys will ask some girls to dance-slow dance-with them. How romantic, right? Damn! I had the least luck because:

1. I only danced with one guy...and he's my dear friend so it's automatic that he's gonna choose me. Plus, he told me about it earlier so we kinda planned it out already. Not that I'm hungry for guys to dance with me but there is ONE guy that I really want to dance with. It just so happens that he's too shy and I'm too...whatever.
2. The couples were too sweet!!! Have you ever seen an evil creature enter a church? Or how about a malevolent thing doused in Holy Water? That's what it felt. I was like burning...melting...dying...It's like this. Rita (my Korean friend) and I were together because Ren left early. Nobody wanted to dance with us so fine. We'll just stick together. While the two of us roamed around the place and took many ulzzang wannabe shots, we often got separated. At one point, we were taking so many pictures on the dance floor but because the music was so loud and there were so many people, we got separated. I called out for her but I got no answer. I kept yelling, "Ya! Seul ah-ya!!!" but I still couldn't find her. There I was, looking like a wet duck in the middle of the dance floor all alone while everyone is dancing with either their forced dates or their boyfriends/girlfriends. Hell, even my own date walked out on me. I was being too much of an Ice Queen. Make that a wet, muddy, shitty duck!!!! I ran away and found Rita right outside the ballroom. I breathed a sigh of relief. Shit, man.
3. Do you know what the worst part is? I saw my crush. Dancing with his crush. In a very sweet manner. I saw her lean her head on his shoulder and they were really sweet. They aren't even together! Plus, he danced in the same manner with his forced date. Sucks
4. I went home early. I was sick and down with fever. What can I say? My immune system is nuts!

So that did it for my night. Not only was I sick, my crush snobbed me, and I went home thinking of TOP of Big Bang, Tom Hanks, and Matthew Broderick while listening to Korean music...

Not only that...actually, I didn't sleep. From 11:00 pm-5:00 am, I didn't sleep AT ALL. Beat that, suckers.

[I'm just really bitter. On Tuesday, someone will receive a really sour snobbing! Watch out!]

Unconventional Woman

So our JS Prom is this Friday, Feb. 19, 2010. Ever since our prom has been announced around October last year, almost all the girls have been squealing and fussing about in delight and when I said squealing and fussing about in delight, I think you know who I'm talking about, right? Anyways, so they're all excited but guess what...I'M NOT!!! Yeah, you read it right. The girl typing her ass off on this blog is not excited about the prom. The reason I'm not excited is because I don't see any point in attending or even holding one!!! What's so cool about dressing up like a total priss-ess (princess is something else. priss-ess is a different story), getting cozy with some guy called 'boyfriend' and end up doing PDA in front of the entire junior-senior department!??!?!? I just don't get it!

Why all the hate? Are you encouraging something? Now don't be stupid! I'm not encouraging all the girls out there to back out of their prom because of the things I said above. Those words are nothing but opinions. They're from my own point of view and should someone go against it, I don't care. For all I know, I'm not telling anyone to not attend. If you want to attend, it's your prerogative. Not mine. I just think that the JS Prom is fucking pathetic. The mere tradition of it is a joke to me. Who wants to walk around a hotel looking like a total whatever!? I don't get the notion of spending so much money with our low economy on dresses, shoes, and accessories that you're just going to use for one mothershitting night!!!! Another thing I don't get is the fact that JS Prom is ABSOLUTELY NON-ACADEMICAL!!!! I mean come on...if the school wants more school days and wants to instill more knowledge in us, don't give us crap days as these!!!! I'm not a nerd. I hate studying as much as I hate going to the prom but what I'm trying to say is, instead of squeezing so much homework in one day, why not quit holding non-academical, non-beneficial days like these so we can spread the homework and exam days evenly!

So JS Prom, right? The girls will be looking fine and all. With curls hanging down their faces, long flowing gowns, etc. I tried asking the prom committee of our school if girls could wear suits. And judging by the look on their faces, it looks like they found me stupid...really stupid. No choice. I have to wear a gown. But I wanted to keep it simple. Just a long, straight red gown that I didn't even care to try on. I just looked at the size and once I saw that it is "M", I didn't care anymore. I just placed it on a hanger and threw it into the whimsical wardrobe of mine. I'm not even going to do my hair. What you're seeing when you see me walking down the corridors of our school(for those class/schoolmates of mine who will be reading this) will be the same thing you'll be seeing on the prom. With scruffy, ruffled, uncombed hair still wet from a very long shower. Best of all, I won't even bother applying makeup. The very haggard and sleepy face that you see whenever I look out the window, walk around the campus, go to the bathroom, cry in the guidance, get mad in the guidance and all...THAT'S THE EXACT SAME FACE YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING SEE!!!! In short, take my head and place it on a headless mannequin wearing my dress and that's what I look like! The shortest explanation to it: I WON'T BOTHER FIXING MYSELF!!! TREAT IT AS IF I'M JUST GOING TO THE DRUGSTORE TO BUY ME SOME LOSENGES!!!!

It's simply because I don't see the reason for all this!!! Why all the fuss? What's so special about the prom?! Hell, I can list down [but I won't do it right now] a hundred more exciting things that I'd be more enthusiastic to look forward to and do rather than sitting my ass out on a night of boredom and sleepiness! I've ranted so much but I'm just speaking my mind. To be honest, I'd rather hibernate like a squirrel in my room with fancy aircondition all to myself, wake up and read Stephen King, dog-ear fold the side of the page, sit up and use my computer, finish the sequel to Dystopia, do dance covers, and so much more!!! All these are much more fun to do than sit around and wait for some "Mister Genie" to approach me and say hi before I snob him back!

Bottomline is, I hate the prom. I want my thousand pesos back! *slams desk. face shows signs of ultra piss-ness*

Very, Very Funny...

Last Friday, we had a Valentines Day Party. It's a dance party with bands, music, food, pictures and everything. I was an MC or Master of Ceremonies, or host that night alongside my fellow schoolmate. So while we weren't hosting, I would step down the stage and party with other people, get to know other people, and talk to other people. I saw Mister Genie and his friends along with his friend's girlfriend and that girlfriend's friend who happens to be my friend. So I approached them and talked to them. At first it was boring because Mr. Genie told me that they have been sitting there for 2 hours and 30 minutes doing nothing but staring at one another and talking in barely audible voices. I went insane upon hearing that. I told him that I wouldn't last a day doing that...hell, I won't even last 5 minutes not opening my mouth either to sing or to speak. So he initiated a conversation asking me how my grades were. I told him.."oh they're fine" in a very sarcastic manner. I don't know if he understood me but if he's smart he should be able to.

Anyways, so I was sitting there with them, bored as hell, when the girlfriend's friend asked me something. She asked me if I watched Boys Over Flowers, a Koreanovela. Personally, I don't and I never watched an episode of that damn show but I do love the boys' faces. I told her, no I don't but I find the boys handsome. She grinned and I sat next to her. She showed me her cellphone which was bathing with pictures of KIM HYUN JOONG, KIM BUM, and LEE MIN HO!!!! The girl and I were squealing like shit and Mr. Genie took notice. I took the girl's phone and showed Kim Hyun Joong's picture to him and told him that he's my "boyfriend". He stood up and walked away only to come back a few minutes. When he came back, I showed him the picture again and told him how handsome my boyfriend is. He just grinned and shook his head. I scoffed and told him, "You're just jealous cause he's more handsome than you." He nodded and to my surprise, he agreed! I gave the girl's cellphone back and returned to the stage to resume my MC-ing duties.

But I don't really love Hyun Joong. Just his face. I love TOP of Big Bang!

Ice Queen..

Why is it whenever you're feeling your greatest, something always goes wrong? Why does it always have to be that way? Recently, just last Thursday, I was feeling the best feeling in the world. I had fun with my outside of the classroom friends first thing in the morning, me and my classroom best friends talked on ends and teased each other, and this...

Since P.E. time was given to our Filipino teacher, he took us to his 4th year class' classroom to watch a film that we would be writing a review about as a requirement for Filipino class. But since the film wouldn't work after several tries, he decided to just let us watch the 2nd year students' dance performance. After a certain group performed, their finale was a boy lip-synching to Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" with exaggereated motions and all. It was funny at first and I have to admit, I was having a grand time laughing along until I turned my eyes to my right and heard my classmate tell her seatmate: "Lalake version yan ni.." she then swiftly turned her eyes to my direction, thinking I didn't see her. But she's wrong. I saw her eye movement and I was extremely devastated. Recess was coming up so me and my friends left. I didn't mention it to them, though. Their concern annoys me...

That classmate of mine annoys me very much. More like very, very much. I'm not gonna mention her name, rather just call her "Mean". Mean would always praise me whenever I do something then talk about me behind my back. I remember when we had a misunderstanding which involves posting names and pictures in a blog [Goddamn, that's why I use codenames!] and she told me that if I didn't like something about her, I should tell it straight to her face. Well how am I supposed to do that when she isn't even frank towards me!? She can't say those harsh words to my face! Then she'll get angry when she sees her face plastered all over my blog with harsh words to match with whereas she's giving me every reason there is to get angry at her! Turn the right cheek! Practice what you preach, sweetie.

Okay, here I go again blogging about how others are so mean to me. But why? Why are others mean to me? I haven't done them any wrong. I just do what I'm supposed to do. I know you can't please everyone but why do they have to be so harsh? And why do they have to talk about me behind my back whereas they could say it to my face? I don't bite and I most certainly won't kill them. I'd even appreciate their sincerity but doing this is very, very painful and they don't know what it does to my self-esteem. Not only for me but for others as well.