HWAITINGGGGG!!!

So I was on Facebook today and stumled upon this hate page which is about Filipino fans liking Korean Pop and not being able to understand it. When I checked the page, the content pissed me off automatically, me being a Korean Pop fan. They lambasted, insulted, bashed, mocked, and fucked around with the music itself and our idols (girl groups and boy groups). Me and my friends were really pissed off. How could someone so narrow minded and ignorant create such a fanpage!?

Alright, so you can't please everybody. That's extremely undestood and should stand as one of the general and golden rules of life. But if you're gonna go as far as insulting something that you aren't fond of, especially insulting meaning you're not gonna be saying it in a nice way that is, you're harboring a lot of enemies, namely from the subject's fanbase. Another thing they're missing is respect. Goddammit I've been searching for that thing and I still haven't found it. Respect. I have some friends who aren't into Korean music but they don't insult it. They don't bash it. And most importantly, they don't insult me for listening to it. So who gave you the right to do so?!

The page clearly emphasized our not being able to comprehend or understand the lyrics of the song. So is that an acceptable reason as to why we should not listen to their music? Why? There are some English songs wherein you don't know what the song means either, right? So does that mean you still aren't allowed to listen to it. In fact, I did some comparisons and I found out that there are some Korean songs that when translated into English made more sense than English songs which are just a bunch of words piled up to form something they would like to call a 'song'. Besides, with the youth's music enthusiasm today, I don't think the message would matter that much anymore. Now I'm not racist (the fanpage is though), but what they're promoting is nothing but crap. Imagine kinda like stopping you from listening to something you like, just because you aren't able to understand it. How pathetic and how lame.

Not meaning to promote hate but they've been saying really loathful words which are really killjoy in my and our opinion. Like I've said, we can understand if you don't like Kpop. We're not forcing you to like it. We're not forcing you to be fans like us. However, please give respect cause we respect and never bashed your likes or your favorites.

Things I've Learned

So another school year has ended right? So I've had some good and bad experiences however, despite having and bringing me different moods, they have a common denominator, that being these experiences serve as lessons to me. They help mold me into a better, more mature person. They can help make me a stronger person who is ready to face any adversary that comes my way.

MY 20 GOLDEN RULES IN LIFE:

1. You don't have to be aggressive to prove to everyone that you're a strong person.
2. Always stand for what you believe in. No matter how bad or sour the situation is, always hold your head up high with pride and fight back.
3. I'm a firm believer in non-violent wars. Just by hitting back at them with the right words, you can win the language war.
4. Do not think that reporting offenses to the proper school authorities is wrong. Especially if that wrong thing is aimed at you. Think of it as life. When a crime against you has been committed, will you not tell the police 'cause you're thinking it's something a weak person would do? Of course not. There are times wherein we should defend ourselves and yet there are times wherein we really need help. It's just a matter of us figuring out when.
5. If you don't like something about a person or you don't like the way a person behaves towards you, just tell them in a nice way. Like I said in number 1, aggression is not always the answer. The more aggressive you are, the less likely they are to respect you.
6. If a friend treats you like shit, treat them like fuck! They don't deserve to be treated nicely by you despite you being treated like horse crap by them.
7. Be uninhibited and friendly. Be open to all people from all walks of life and learn to respect them.
8. Don't be afraid to make noise. Who cares if they think you're weird?! It's your life and not theirs so they don't have the right to say anything.
9. Jealousy is something we cannot avoid. Everyone gets jealous or envious every once in a while but in that sense, we should not do harm to others just because we're jealous of them. Instead, work harder to prove to everyone that you're just as good or even better than that person you're jealous of. Prove to them that he/she is parallelable.
10. Sure, everyone's entitled to their own opinions. After all, freedom of speech is a right that no one can ever take away from us. However, be reminded to watch your words. There are some words which may be offensive for others so better be careful.
11. When you need something, when you want something, go for it.
12. Avoid procrastinating. Procrastination often gets you nowhere. If you can do it now or earlier, the better.
13. Don't think that if somebody offended you in a slight manner, it's okay to let it slide. No. Any form of offense is not okay to set aside. Don't hinder yourself from reporting them to the authorities just because you're afraid to be called a "tell-tale" . Again, a call back on the previous number. Sure, let's say it's a pretty simple and shallow incident but think about it? If you're not gonna let anyone know, they're [bullies] going to think it's okay and they're gonna keep doing it. Are you going to wait for them to throw you down the stairs before you finally tell someone?
14. Don't ask for help unless you really need it. If you can figure things out on your own, do so. But if you're really hopeless and going nowhere, that's when you ask for assistance.
15. Dare to be different. Just because the entire class goes to Starbucks and the mall doesn't mean you have to ride along so you wouldn't be called a killjoy. If it's not your thing then don't go. Live your own life for you.
16. No one can love you more than God and your parents.
17. It's good to have friends. However, they don't have to know everything about you. Leave some for yourself.
18. Relationships aren't healthy at this stage of life. Save yourself for your future.
19. Smile. It takes away your pain and it gives your friends the impression that everything's okay, thus stopping them from asking any questions that you don't want to answer.
20. Be yourself. It's the diamond rule of life.

Why Are There Times When...

Why are there times wherein I feel so alone. I feel so depressed and I feel so...heartbroken. Considering the fact that I don't have problems of any kind. Self-conflict is one, maybe because I'm still trying to search for myself not physically but emotionally. Sure, I'm emotionally stable but there are some times...Some times....

Okay, enough of my drama. I'm gonna go straight to the point. I don't have a 'best friend'. Whoever thinks I do is a real idiot and should go straight to hell. Kidding aside, I really think my friend is boring. Honestly, I do. Even my other friends think so too! Imagine, we would sit together and talk limitly or worse, sometimes we would just sit and not talk at all. When we're with the others, the others and I would laugh so hard, would yell so loudly, would walk so flirty and she would just tag along behind us like a nun watching after a group of rowdy kids. And whenever we tell her jokes, she wouldn't laugh rather give us a pokerface which pisses us off secretly.

BOTTOMLINE IS: I'm not your best friend, whoever you are. I'm just someone you can call your casual companion. If I didn't do what I did last time, I really shouldn't and wouldn't be hanging out with you. You're not my ideal friend although the time we've WASTED together is considerably plenty!

So Everyone's Having A Rough Day

Why is everyone having a rough day today? Including me!!! Why is that so?! I'm so irritable today! Maybe it has something to do with my menstruation...after all it is my time of the month. Aside from throwing up violently last Wednesday, my PMS has left me so washed up and wasted. I can't believe it myself!

Not just me, even my friends are having a bad day! First, my friend got into a sticky situation with her groupmates in Filipino. Here's the story. My friend's supposed to go on a trip with her family to some place tomorrow. Problem is, they needed to practice for the Filipino activity which is to be presented on Monday. Therefore, she cannot attend the practice because of their trip. When she told this to the group leader and the sub leader, they were undoubtedly pissed. Knowing this, they threatened to expel her from the group, even stating that she arrives late and leaves early during practices. But she knew better! She comes and leaves on time! What gave those girls the right to say those things toward her. So recess came and she was feeling her lowest. I tried to NOT COMFORT rather advice and scold her about what she should have done.

Following that, the leader of the said group told her that she would just be relocated to the props department. That was a relief...after a few hours later after their practice! The leader approached her again and begged her to attend the practice on Saturday but after saying that she really couldn't, she faced expulsion from the group. Towards the end of the day, the teacher called for her and told her that she would just be in the props department. Now that was a relief...for her.

Only a Few More Days To Go and it's Summer!!!!

Oh My God! I so can't believe that school's almost coming to an end. I honestly find it hard to believe that right now is the third trimester, March 2 namely, whereas it seems like just yesterday we were third year students ready to begin a new life...and now we're on our way to becoming senior pupils! God, time does fly fast.

So in retrospect, I'd like to highlight some of the memorable events, songs, people, and more during each time. Let's start with the first trimester....

FIRST TRIMESTER: JULY-AUGUST

First trimester, what can I say? New school year, new opportunities. Here's a list of what has happened during that significant time.

• 
  
  First day of school


• 
  
  Obsession with Korean pop and Korean stuff


• 
  
  Nick Stahl, Ron Howard, Colin and Tom Hanks fandom!!!! (yes...)


• 
  
  I started to dance...(Korean pop taught me how to appreciate dance)


• 
  
  I became more confident


• 
  
  I joined Mosaic and made new friends


• 
  
  For the first time in history, a girl who's known to be quiet and reserved joined the SEB and ran for Assistant Secretary. Fortunately enough, she won.


• 
  
  Super Junior obsession


• 
  
  Sin City obsession


• 
  
  Sori's "Real Lips"


• 
  
  Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi"


• 
  
  Beyonce's "Sweet Dreams"


• 
  
  I started planning my Dystopia novel


• 
  
  My classmates came to know me as the dancer, the writer, the speaker, and the officer. I was a shitload of identities.


• 
  
  Alyanna left. Do I need to explain?!


• 
  
  SNSD hater days...(hahahha. I actually find it funny now..)

SECOND TRIMESTER

The Second Trimester was full of doubts for me. I have to say that this trimester is indeed my darkest hour. This list will tell you why.

• 
  
  I started to lose confidence...Well not totally lose but somehow I withdrew a bit because of rumours I would hear about me.


• 
  
  My swagger crashed!!!! And it reached the lowest part of me.


• 
  
  SEB Leadership Training...at least this is fun


• 
  
  An old sin of mine was dug up and found out. It cost me my reputation and their trust. Shit man.


• 
  
  The Halloween party. I danced Genie.


• 
  
  UN Day...we danced.


• 
  
  It's the trimester that I became known as a dancer. SO known that my real talent was almost forgotten. Luckily it isn't yet.


• 
  
  DramaFest Preparations. I was assigned to work on the flyers alongside three other juniors. We fell apart because I refused to comply to their wishes...I complied in the end.


• 
  
  I went to Ren's house for the first time. Danced Genie in costume with a police hat. Oh yeah.


• 
  
  Library Visit! God, need I say more?


• 
  
  SS501's "A Song Calling For You"


• 
  
  Kara's "Mister"


• 
  
  SNSD's "Genie"


• 
  
  I had the opportunity to reunite and chat with Luna...hahah...


• 
  
  The DramaFest proper...yeah. We won! We're great, you know!


• 
  
  The SEB, EOs, and NVIROE members' Eco Trip...


• 
  
  G-Dragon's "Butterfly'


• 
  
  Lee Hyori's 'U-Go-Girl'


• 
  
  Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance'


• 
  
  I started to fall in love with _________________. [Mister Genie]


• 
  
  Sandara Park's 'Kiss'


• 
  
  The finishing of my novel 'Dystopia'


• 
  
  CHRISTMAS PARTY


• 
  
  Went to Ren's house---AGAIN!!!!!!!

THIRD TRIMESTER

God, it's the end. Although I wouldn't say that 3rd year is MY best year, I'm gonna miss the memories I had with my friends OUTSIDE of our class.

• 
  
  SNSD's 'Kissing You'


• 
  
  Friendship with Gee, Camille, and Jenny


• 
  
  Still loving Mr. Genie


• 
  
  Aegyo and Ulzzang obsession

This list can go on forever....I don't think this blog can contain it, though.

Okay, I know I had some rough and tough times this year, but hey, good or bad it still makes a memory. Whatever it is, it'll always be memorable for me. Let the good times roll and as for the bad times, let these serve as a lesson in order to mold a more mature, more understanding, and more empathic person out of me.

Gomawu Miwoso!

In translation: Thank You. I hate you.

I'd like to keep this blog relatively short because I just posted something today. This is a brief follow up to my recent post.

Dear Mister Genie.

Thanks so much. You have been a really nice friend. Not only did you tease me before, you even snobbed me twice. Also, you were very sarcastic to me only to ask me out to be your date a few months later. Well what do you call that? I remembered when you asked me out to the prom and I said yes yet it didn't push through because I already had a forced date. Sucks, doesn't it? Then what happened now? You asked me out, right? What if I didn't have a forced date then?! And we were officially "partners"? You were even snobbing me during the prom, what's your problem?! You didn't even approach me to say hi. Oh so this is what it's gonna be had we been dates?! You would still look at your crush and you'd give me little importance is that it? Yeah. I guess that's it. Then I found out later on that I'm just "the next best thing" or "second best." Man, I'm not a spare tire that you just drag around whenever your best wheels get busted out! Meaning you only resorted to me because you were too shy to ask her out? Too shy...haha. Have some balls, dude. I have more balls than you. Grow up...

Your "prend"

You know who I am so don't go around asking everyone who the fuck this is.

In Retrospect

3rd Year. Often called the hardest level of high school, attributed to added subjects, new people, new challenges, more activites, etc. But to me, being a 3rd Year student meant reinventing yourself in a positive manner. So allow this somewhat lengthy blog post to give you more than a glimpse of my 3rd year life.

During the first day of classes, I wasn't nervous as at all. Why would I?! I've been studying in the same school for more than 5 years. I have assured myself that everything would be the same just as before. Nothing ever changes in our school though. But there is one thing that I told myself I would change, that is me. I promised myself that I would be a more confident person, a bolder young lady, a sturdier person. And upon entering that classroom, I told myself that this is a promise that I'm damn sure to keep. So I began making new friends, exhibiting my talents whenever there are given opportunities, and went as far as running for Student Executive Board,eventually winning the position of Assistant Secretary. All of these made me happy. For the first trimester, I would say that the promise I made is a promise well kept.

Until the second trimester...the second trimester was chock-filled with disaster both academically and personally. During the first few days of the second tri, I was still somewhat confident and bold. I could say what I want and do what I want. However, when news got to me that there were people from both my section and from the other section. When my friend told me about this, it scarred me deeply and made me want to withdraw from all forms of human contact for a while. I couldn't believe it then...I have done nothing wrong to them and they have treated me this way. I started to...not cry but rather give some space. I didn't communicate with anyone for quite some time and focused on myself first. I was giving too much, taking too little, and not thinking at all. And as if the batch's scrutiny wasn't enough, an old mistake of mine resurfaced and was found out by my other classmates, therefore ruining my reputation. For me, the issue is too sensitive and should therefore not be discussed here. September-October were my worst months...until the near-end of October during the UN Week celebration. Everything was cool with me and that group of friends whom I had a misunderstanding with, and our Brazil Samba Dance was up for the UN Week. And it was during this time..the very night of the celebration, that the Halloween Party was to be held. And it was also during the same Halloween Party that I danced Genie by Girls'Generation with my friend Makee. Over the course of three trimesters, so much has happened. My life became a roller coaster when it was just a carousel before.

To make this entry shorter, I did alot of things. Alot of things have been done. There were some things I did that I wish I could do again while there are also some things that I regret doing and couldn't even bring myself to think of. My life is a concrete example of what humans are. We do good things and get praised, we do bad things and get lambasted for it. No, we cannot go back and do things over again but we can change ourselves now. We can learn from these experiences and mature. Mature and prove to everyone that we have enough knowledge of what is wrong and right and thus guiding us into the rightful path. With solid, overflowing faith in God and in ourselves, we can do most anything...

Not to be religious but this may be the most awe-inspiring and beautiful quote from the Bible:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

-Philippians 4:13.

Na Honjaso Sarangeul Malhago...

So prom finally happened and just as expected, I was bored and I was even sick at that time so I had nothing to do but to just sit around, drink and hang out with my friends. But that was just the gist of it...there is a story behind everything and this is my story.

5:30 pm. I left our house at around that time to head to ___________ Hotel where our prom would be taking place. I was wearing a simple red dress and red heels but since I had short hair and I hate hair styling, I just placed a cute hairband on my head. That's hairdo for you! Once my mom dropped me off, I saw very, very few people inside some of them I know and some of them I don't. Either way, there were already schoolmates of mine. I said hi to some and took pictures with some while waiting for Ren and Rita, my two friends. I just glared and glared outside the window from the lobby, hoping for their arrival. After several minutes of waiting, they finally arrive and we registered all together, taking pictures afterwards.

When the registration was finally over, it's time for the main event. All the partners (mine was still missing) lined up and readied themselves to enter the ballroom itself. My partner was still not around, thus making me feel exalted. I didn't like my partner anyways and I would LOVE to be a bachelorette...not to be arrogant but I want a solo picture. Laugh all you want but it's the truth. Anyways, so a little past six, he finally arrives along with several other latecomers and the party finally starts. I frustratingly grabbed his arm as we walk down the red carpet and pretend to smile for the camera. All pairs did this, though. As we reached our table (and I'm damn lucky that I'm in the same table as Ren), the guys pulled their partners' seats but I told mine *haughtily* not to. He had no choice but to follow. I pulled my own chair and sat down tired, bored, aggressively, and crossed. He had no idea what was going on inside my mind.

I'm not blogging about the prom itself. I'm blogging about how I felt during the prom. Fast forward some 2 hours later....Social Dancing. The suckiest part for me. During the social dance, the guys will ask some girls to dance-slow dance-with them. How romantic, right? Damn! I had the least luck because:

1. I only danced with one guy...and he's my dear friend so it's automatic that he's gonna choose me. Plus, he told me about it earlier so we kinda planned it out already. Not that I'm hungry for guys to dance with me but there is ONE guy that I really want to dance with. It just so happens that he's too shy and I'm too...whatever.
2. The couples were too sweet!!! Have you ever seen an evil creature enter a church? Or how about a malevolent thing doused in Holy Water? That's what it felt. I was like burning...melting...dying...It's like this. Rita (my Korean friend) and I were together because Ren left early. Nobody wanted to dance with us so fine. We'll just stick together. While the two of us roamed around the place and took many ulzzang wannabe shots, we often got separated. At one point, we were taking so many pictures on the dance floor but because the music was so loud and there were so many people, we got separated. I called out for her but I got no answer. I kept yelling, "Ya! Seul ah-ya!!!" but I still couldn't find her. There I was, looking like a wet duck in the middle of the dance floor all alone while everyone is dancing with either their forced dates or their boyfriends/girlfriends. Hell, even my own date walked out on me. I was being too much of an Ice Queen. Make that a wet, muddy, shitty duck!!!! I ran away and found Rita right outside the ballroom. I breathed a sigh of relief. Shit, man.
3. Do you know what the worst part is? I saw my crush. Dancing with his crush. In a very sweet manner. I saw her lean her head on his shoulder and they were really sweet. They aren't even together! Plus, he danced in the same manner with his forced date. Sucks
4. I went home early. I was sick and down with fever. What can I say? My immune system is nuts!

So that did it for my night. Not only was I sick, my crush snobbed me, and I went home thinking of TOP of Big Bang, Tom Hanks, and Matthew Broderick while listening to Korean music...

Not only that...actually, I didn't sleep. From 11:00 pm-5:00 am, I didn't sleep AT ALL. Beat that, suckers.

[I'm just really bitter. On Tuesday, someone will receive a really sour snobbing! Watch out!]

Unconventional Woman

So our JS Prom is this Friday, Feb. 19, 2010. Ever since our prom has been announced around October last year, almost all the girls have been squealing and fussing about in delight and when I said squealing and fussing about in delight, I think you know who I'm talking about, right? Anyways, so they're all excited but guess what...I'M NOT!!! Yeah, you read it right. The girl typing her ass off on this blog is not excited about the prom. The reason I'm not excited is because I don't see any point in attending or even holding one!!! What's so cool about dressing up like a total priss-ess (princess is something else. priss-ess is a different story), getting cozy with some guy called 'boyfriend' and end up doing PDA in front of the entire junior-senior department!??!?!? I just don't get it!

Why all the hate? Are you encouraging something? Now don't be stupid! I'm not encouraging all the girls out there to back out of their prom because of the things I said above. Those words are nothing but opinions. They're from my own point of view and should someone go against it, I don't care. For all I know, I'm not telling anyone to not attend. If you want to attend, it's your prerogative. Not mine. I just think that the JS Prom is fucking pathetic. The mere tradition of it is a joke to me. Who wants to walk around a hotel looking like a total whatever!? I don't get the notion of spending so much money with our low economy on dresses, shoes, and accessories that you're just going to use for one mothershitting night!!!! Another thing I don't get is the fact that JS Prom is ABSOLUTELY NON-ACADEMICAL!!!! I mean come on...if the school wants more school days and wants to instill more knowledge in us, don't give us crap days as these!!!! I'm not a nerd. I hate studying as much as I hate going to the prom but what I'm trying to say is, instead of squeezing so much homework in one day, why not quit holding non-academical, non-beneficial days like these so we can spread the homework and exam days evenly!

So JS Prom, right? The girls will be looking fine and all. With curls hanging down their faces, long flowing gowns, etc. I tried asking the prom committee of our school if girls could wear suits. And judging by the look on their faces, it looks like they found me stupid...really stupid. No choice. I have to wear a gown. But I wanted to keep it simple. Just a long, straight red gown that I didn't even care to try on. I just looked at the size and once I saw that it is "M", I didn't care anymore. I just placed it on a hanger and threw it into the whimsical wardrobe of mine. I'm not even going to do my hair. What you're seeing when you see me walking down the corridors of our school(for those class/schoolmates of mine who will be reading this) will be the same thing you'll be seeing on the prom. With scruffy, ruffled, uncombed hair still wet from a very long shower. Best of all, I won't even bother applying makeup. The very haggard and sleepy face that you see whenever I look out the window, walk around the campus, go to the bathroom, cry in the guidance, get mad in the guidance and all...THAT'S THE EXACT SAME FACE YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING SEE!!!! In short, take my head and place it on a headless mannequin wearing my dress and that's what I look like! The shortest explanation to it: I WON'T BOTHER FIXING MYSELF!!! TREAT IT AS IF I'M JUST GOING TO THE DRUGSTORE TO BUY ME SOME LOSENGES!!!!

It's simply because I don't see the reason for all this!!! Why all the fuss? What's so special about the prom?! Hell, I can list down [but I won't do it right now] a hundred more exciting things that I'd be more enthusiastic to look forward to and do rather than sitting my ass out on a night of boredom and sleepiness! I've ranted so much but I'm just speaking my mind. To be honest, I'd rather hibernate like a squirrel in my room with fancy aircondition all to myself, wake up and read Stephen King, dog-ear fold the side of the page, sit up and use my computer, finish the sequel to Dystopia, do dance covers, and so much more!!! All these are much more fun to do than sit around and wait for some "Mister Genie" to approach me and say hi before I snob him back!

Bottomline is, I hate the prom. I want my thousand pesos back! *slams desk. face shows signs of ultra piss-ness*

Very, Very Funny...

Last Friday, we had a Valentines Day Party. It's a dance party with bands, music, food, pictures and everything. I was an MC or Master of Ceremonies, or host that night alongside my fellow schoolmate. So while we weren't hosting, I would step down the stage and party with other people, get to know other people, and talk to other people. I saw Mister Genie and his friends along with his friend's girlfriend and that girlfriend's friend who happens to be my friend. So I approached them and talked to them. At first it was boring because Mr. Genie told me that they have been sitting there for 2 hours and 30 minutes doing nothing but staring at one another and talking in barely audible voices. I went insane upon hearing that. I told him that I wouldn't last a day doing that...hell, I won't even last 5 minutes not opening my mouth either to sing or to speak. So he initiated a conversation asking me how my grades were. I told him.."oh they're fine" in a very sarcastic manner. I don't know if he understood me but if he's smart he should be able to.

Anyways, so I was sitting there with them, bored as hell, when the girlfriend's friend asked me something. She asked me if I watched Boys Over Flowers, a Koreanovela. Personally, I don't and I never watched an episode of that damn show but I do love the boys' faces. I told her, no I don't but I find the boys handsome. She grinned and I sat next to her. She showed me her cellphone which was bathing with pictures of KIM HYUN JOONG, KIM BUM, and LEE MIN HO!!!! The girl and I were squealing like shit and Mr. Genie took notice. I took the girl's phone and showed Kim Hyun Joong's picture to him and told him that he's my "boyfriend". He stood up and walked away only to come back a few minutes. When he came back, I showed him the picture again and told him how handsome my boyfriend is. He just grinned and shook his head. I scoffed and told him, "You're just jealous cause he's more handsome than you." He nodded and to my surprise, he agreed! I gave the girl's cellphone back and returned to the stage to resume my MC-ing duties.

But I don't really love Hyun Joong. Just his face. I love TOP of Big Bang!

Ice Queen..

Why is it whenever you're feeling your greatest, something always goes wrong? Why does it always have to be that way? Recently, just last Thursday, I was feeling the best feeling in the world. I had fun with my outside of the classroom friends first thing in the morning, me and my classroom best friends talked on ends and teased each other, and this...

Since P.E. time was given to our Filipino teacher, he took us to his 4th year class' classroom to watch a film that we would be writing a review about as a requirement for Filipino class. But since the film wouldn't work after several tries, he decided to just let us watch the 2nd year students' dance performance. After a certain group performed, their finale was a boy lip-synching to Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" with exaggereated motions and all. It was funny at first and I have to admit, I was having a grand time laughing along until I turned my eyes to my right and heard my classmate tell her seatmate: "Lalake version yan ni.." she then swiftly turned her eyes to my direction, thinking I didn't see her. But she's wrong. I saw her eye movement and I was extremely devastated. Recess was coming up so me and my friends left. I didn't mention it to them, though. Their concern annoys me...

That classmate of mine annoys me very much. More like very, very much. I'm not gonna mention her name, rather just call her "Mean". Mean would always praise me whenever I do something then talk about me behind my back. I remember when we had a misunderstanding which involves posting names and pictures in a blog [Goddamn, that's why I use codenames!] and she told me that if I didn't like something about her, I should tell it straight to her face. Well how am I supposed to do that when she isn't even frank towards me!? She can't say those harsh words to my face! Then she'll get angry when she sees her face plastered all over my blog with harsh words to match with whereas she's giving me every reason there is to get angry at her! Turn the right cheek! Practice what you preach, sweetie.

Okay, here I go again blogging about how others are so mean to me. But why? Why are others mean to me? I haven't done them any wrong. I just do what I'm supposed to do. I know you can't please everyone but why do they have to be so harsh? And why do they have to talk about me behind my back whereas they could say it to my face? I don't bite and I most certainly won't kill them. I'd even appreciate their sincerity but doing this is very, very painful and they don't know what it does to my self-esteem. Not only for me but for others as well.

Kissing You OH MY LOVE!!!!!!

I know it's an old song but I'm so addicted to Girls' Generation's "Kissing You". Its sweet melody, heartfelt lyrics, and bouncy rhythm make it the perfect song for any girl who's in a girly, flirty, or sweet mood. Just one of those moments where you feel fluttery :D. And what's not to love? Despite not being able to understand the lyrics or sing to it fluently and properly, the melody is enough for me to know what it means.

When I hear this song, I remember Mister Genie. I don't know why. There's always a Korean song that-although I only rely on English versions-reminds me of Mister Genie because of the lyrics. Such as Kiss, Kissing You, Mister, and so much more. I dunno. I know how weird my imagination is and there are times when I hear Kissing You and when I see the Kissing You music video, I would imagine me doing those things from the music video to Genie. Nothing explicit. It's all cute. It's just that, when I hear it, I can't stop thinking about Genie...hmm..

Oh and by the way, another one of my weird writings:

A COMBINATION OF KOREAN POP SONGS' TITLES TURNED INTO A RHYMING WHATEVER.:]

Hey there, there Mister oppa. I just wanna Kiss, I never wanna miss. If you want something from me then Tell Me Your Wish. Abracadabra, it's magic. Saranghae, love isn't tragic. You're Romeo and I'm Juliette. I'm going Michyeosso, don't you get it? Sorry, Sorry you're too slow. Neorago, it's you don't you know. Bogoshipda, On A Saturday Night. Friday's the time, yeah that's right. I wanna be Kissing You, Oppa Barabwa! I feel bad that you don't get the clues I'm throwing at ya. Gee, gee, gee you're my Butterfly. No, no, no, no don't tell me Lies. You're sweet like Lollipop and more dalkhom than Chocolate Love. You can't make me stop. But you don't know What A Girl Wants and you won't even give me all you've got. Shy boy, you're wasting my time. It's a pity the change of these feelings of mine. I loved you once I'm confused about you twice. These feelings are clandestine, they're not for you to know. So if you're not gonna step up and catch my flow, then you've got to Gara, Gara Go!

annyeong! ~>

All New Projects, All New Ideas.

If you subscribe to the YouTube account bearing the username "vertigogodame", you'll usually get dance covers. Well, to my dear subscribers[hahah. self-centered much! you only have 5 subscribers my dear. inner voice: well i don't care! they're still dear subscribers to me!], as a talented young person both in the fields of dancing and writing, I will be presenting another treat for you (oh shucks! this is sappy!!!) in the form of VLOGs. What is a 'vlog'? What is this alien word of which I speak of? Vlog just happens to be the abbreviated form of 'Video Blog' which is kinda like a viewable, moving blog. In there, I shall discuss stuff that goes on in my life, my opinions on certain issues and topics, a wee bit of gossip [woah! scandalous!], movie/tv/music/whatever reviews, and emotional joys and pains. I decided to do this because I believe Vlog serves as a good training ground for me if I want to become a reporter for CNN one day. [yes, it is my GOAL, DREAM, PASSION, and...well not obsession...to become a reporter for CNN. Although I seldom watch it and I only do whenever I'm bored, I still believe that it is a good source of news and information that's why I want to work there.] Not only that, it will also give you an inside scoop of what my life is like. Just so you know what kind of girl you're dealing with.

Another idea that I have is posting of SuJu fanfics here on my blog. Fanfics, not novels. I do write novels but just to differentiate my fanfics from my novels, my fanfics are rather short and shallow while my novels are long and deep. SuJu fanfics in the sense that the main characters-regardless of whether they are protagonists or antagonists-are the members of famous Korean boyband Super Junior. I shall post them here and update them from time to time if it permits me.

One last idea, joining fanfiction. net. Many of you or most of you may be familiar with this website and I'm sure you already have some background knowledge about it even though you don't use it. Fanfiction.net is the LARGEST FF collection on the Web. It has everything from Movies to TV to Novels to whatever. I also believe that this is a good way to enhance and hone my writing skills since I want to be a writer as well. SuJu Fanfics will be posted both here and there so that other people who are too lazy to look for my blog will be able to read them there.

So these are my new projects for 2010. SeeYaDon'tDonWannaMichyeo! [hahaha. get it?]

So The Weekend Has Passed Yet Again.

Alright so the weekend is OFFICIALLY about to end and another week is about to start. Make that a boring week for all you Science, Math, and Information Technology opposers and antis!!! But what is SMIT Week in the first place? SMIT Week stands for Science, Math and Information Technology [is that correct?] Week. It's a week dedicated to, obviously, science, math and computer. Anything that has something to do with those three subjects are being celebrated and apprectiated. Well in my case, lambasted and slept during! Yes, whenever SMIT Week comes, it's the time for me and my not so scientifically inclined minions..ehem friends :]] [sorry! i was being funny!] to sleep and just hang around like nothing's happening. Most scifreaks, mathniacs, and computeraddicts are having a grand celebration since this is the time of their lives. I know I sound mean but it's a way of saying, those who are into SMIT stuff are heavily participating in the events and activities that are taking place or will be taking place in the said week. But since I am NOT...wait, since I never was, never am, and never will be a SMIT enthusiast, this week will always be the most boring week for me for as long as I am studying in that damn school. [God, I hope no teachers read this!]

On the bright side, SMIT Week provides us non-SMIT participants with LOADS AND LOADS AND LOADS AND LOADS of free time. Loads and loads of free time with very little supervision from teachers since they are busy with the SMIT contest participants. Lucky for us inactive and stagnant ones, we just hang around, sleep, and listen to the iPod. It gets boring but in a way, it's better boring doing nothing than boring doing something boring..[woah. did you get that?]

So yet again, another week, another 7 days. Well, life goes on. Live with it or die cause of it :))

Okay, This Is Pathetic

I've been browsing the Internet recently out of boredom and I've come across this "Anti-Super Junior" site. I am a fan of Super Junior [fan, not fanatic], hence the picture, and seeing this site stirred some emotions in me. Well not the kind of 'emotions' that would be synonymous to sadness or what but the kind of emotions that would mean a mix of cynicsm, anger, and sarcasm. What did the hate site look like? I don't want to describe it 'cause some things are better left imagined than described. You all know what a hate site looks like so you most probably already have an idea what it contains. Anyways, looking at the site and reading everything post by post made me either laugh, smirk, or fume. Laugh in the sense that someone is so dedicated, so willing, and so obsessed that she would make a site like this. Fume in the sense that some posts were just borderline personal and that particular post touched a topic that is deeply sensitive. And smirk in the sense that some posts are just plain stupid....Stupid posts make me smirk. [uses her Indiana Jones voice....]

So what's her purpose anyways? Obviously, her purpose for making the site is because she isn't a Super Junior fan and every inch of the members just pisses her off. Understandable. You cannot please everybody. Even I have my own share of hated groups...[ehem...]. But think about it, if you aren't a fan of SuJu...well not just SuJu but just about any artist, why would you waste so much time, effort, energy, and precious sleeping time [yes, sites as such can really swipe your slumber] trying to make a site about them. It only goes to show that you're just as obsessed as the typical fan girl, just in a different way but you're still obsessed. Also, as I mentioned above, she touched a particularly sensitive issue regarding Donghae's dad who passed away some few years ago. Although not much dissing was present, the post still possessed negative vibes. I commented on her post saying that it was completely immature of her to make fun of a deceased person. If someone would insult her family members, I told her, how would she feel, right? Things such as these piss me off and crack me up at the same time. Oh dear...

I don't like Big Bang. I never liked them but I'm not saying that I never will. I don't want to close doors on any opportunity for me to turn the right cheek and start appreciating them. Although I don't like their style, their music, their everything, I don't go as far off as making pathetic hate sites for them. I respect their efforts and their hard work because I myself know that what they're doing isn't easy. Because if I don't want people bashing me for what I do, I don't do it to others.

Depression...

Okay, I know my posts have been really melancholic recently [who the fuck reads my crap anyway?] but I've been really sad for the past few weeks. Well not totally sad everyday but I have more down moments than up moments. I've been getting really paranoid about things and I've been sleeping too much. And yes I do sleep when I'm depressed. It feels like I don't have energy to do anything anymore. [and I owe it all to those three bastards who said the sharpest things that no one could ever tolerate. THANKS A LOT, SOBs!] No, I never thought of suicide. No, I don't cut myself. And no, I never thought of even blaming myself. I'm too self-righteous for that. I'm not at fault. They're the dysfunctional ones, not me.

I believe my title isn't finished yet. Depression....can always subside. Sadness can always turn into happiness. How? By talking to friends. Friends who really care about you. Friends who are there to support you no matter what. Last night, when I was feeling my lowest, four of my dearest friends popped up on my YM list and started chatting with me. We joked around, we teased around, we talked about stuff, and even if it was already 9:30 pm [which is late for me and early for some of you..], I never felt sleepy as I really enjoyed our conversations. That's when I can say that my depression...well, didn't really go away but somehow subsided. Mellowed down, shall we say. I really enjoy the fact that some of my friends would actually take notice of my status and ask me what's wrong and offer their help. It warms my heart to know that there are people who ACTUALLY care ;)...care in the sense that they encourage you, they believe in you, they cheer for you. I love the fact that these friends always cheer me on no matter what happens. One in particular [I have mentioned her in one of my posts two years ago...Luna .]>

And I won't just take her word for it. I'll really do it and believe in it. Yes, I believe in my own awesome-ness. I believe that I have what it takes to be the best in my own fields. I won't give up no matter what obstacles I face and I will never let others pull me down. I'm gonna keep doing my own thing no matter what!

"Ain't no mountain high enough. Ain't no river wide enough..."

aja! hwaiting!!!!!

Congratulations, Ms. Flake!

Just as the title above said, 'Congratulations, Ms. Flake. You are now the most hated girl in your batch.' That should be what the announcer will tell me when he hands over the "Bitch Of The Year" award to me, not to mention the sash with the words "Despise Queen" or "Ice Queen" written across. Maybe if we were to have a yearbook this year, I would be voted "Ms. Show-Off". Really. All these awards? God, how flattering!

Now I don't mean to bash myself or I don't mean to degrade myself but it's true. At first I thought those were just rumours made up to bring me down but as time flies by, I soon figure out that those things they would talk to me about are true. Many people do talk about me behind my back. At times, I would hear them say good things or praise me when I'm around. And whenever I would speak in front, write for the school paper or dance, they would-just as the same-praise me when I'm around and then talk about me behind my back, trying desperately to ruin my good name.

At first, I just let it slide. It's okay, I said. They can say whatever they want for as long as they don't fuck around with me because the moment they do that deliberately and bluntly, I will not hold back to show them how I get mad. So I just continued doing what I want to do, me still being a confident person just the way I really am. But it got worse. One of my guy friends would approach me everyday to give me something that seemed to me like a 'daily tabulation' or 'daily report' of how many people hate me, how many people talk about me behind my back, etc. etc. etc...it really got to me and I was really annoyed at that guy. If I were mean enough, I would say "Stop caring." but I didn't cause he's my friend. So I just tell him to let them be. He didn't do it for a long time....

Until today. Today would be one of the worst days in my life. So here's how the story goes: I was sitting near the _________ classroom with my Korean friend and my best friend when these 3 guys who I called "friends" approached us and talked to us. My best friend stood up and went to the comfort room to fix her hair. With her gone, the three took this an opportunity to once again make me feel bad. One in particular asked me, "Bakit ang lakas ng loob mo?" pertaining to me having the confidence to go up there and dance while the other asked the same. I answered in a semi-annoyed manner [as this is the umpteenth time they asked this] that this is the way I grew up and there is nothing they could do about it. Then it struck. The one bastard said, "Pwede ba wag mo na lang ipakita. Kasi hindi maganda tignan. Plastic lang sila..." something like that. Those words were like an arrow through the heart. That's how it hurts. My entire body went numb and I became half-blind and totally deaf. I couldn't hear anything. I just sat there, staring at the hallway waiting for something to happen. But nothing did. It was as if I was waiting for a miracle or something. Then I played those words again and again in my mind and I couldn't really accept the fact that these guys whom I thought were my friends, could say something so degrading, so discouraging, and so...so...God! Words aren't enough to explain this. I think it needs emotion as well.

Let me clarify this to avoid all sorts of questions. But these are questions that most people would ask me:

1. "Why did they say those words to you?"

->Well obviously, that's something I myself cannot answer. I find myself asking the same question over and over again. I guess they were either showing fake concern or they are deliberately trying to pull me down. Either way, it's negative.

2. "Are you affected"

->You're damn right I am affected! Dude, these are my friends and this is my talent we're talking about. This isn't just some dress that you can slip on and off!!!

Back to the point, I'd like to emphasize number 2. Yes. I am so goddamn affected. Do you know what it's like working hard for an hour or so practicing dance steps you so worked hard to learn and memorize? Do you know how it feels performing in front of loads of people, trying to overcome stagefright and all? And lastly....LASTLY!!!!!!! Do you know what it feels like having friends whom you thought supported you only to have them pull you down? That just shows what completely honest, sincere, true friends you are, then! I was counting on your support, waiting for that "hwaiting!!!" cheer that you should be giving me. Instead I get this crap saying that I'm not good enough. Well thank you very much.

NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS NO MATTER HOW DIFFERENT YOUR PERSONALITY MAY BE. I KNOW I MAY BE OVERREACTING SINCE IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE POSTED ON A TOPIC THAT I'VE BEEN HEARING OF FOR LIKE...MONTHS BUT I'M JUST FED UP. I TYPED THIS STATEMENT IN BOLD LETTERS JUST TO EMPHASIZE HOW COMPLETELY DOWN I AM!

I know I may not be the 'ideal' girl out there. I have a lot of shortcomings and I myself am aware of that. I may be snobbish, a bit bossy, too much of a perfectionist, somewhat a show off, a little bit of a priss, a wee bit of a sass, somehow cold and all that but this doesn't mean you should treat me in such a way, especially if I have never done you wrong.

~just a message. i hope it's clear. i don't want anyone to ask me about this. i don't want anyone to ask why the hell i ran all the way to the guidance office to bawl my eyes out and possibly embarrass myself in front of _______~

now that was funny...

spreading the SOSHIFIED love. Hwaiting!

I'm Dying For Your Kiss, I Never Wanna Miss <3

I know it's pretty old news but I'm addicted to "Kiss" by Sandara Park ft. CL. This is the official song of their CF for Cass Beer in South Korea. [I haven't seen the video cause YouTube takes forever to buff...so yeah. I just like the song.] I really like the song cause it reminds me of someone. A certain "Mister Genie" from school. The reason behind his name is because of the songs "Mister" by Kara and "Genie" by SNSD. You see, it reminds me of Mister Genie because when I read the English translation of the song, the description of the guy matches his personality. Shy, a bit quiet, not too aggressive, etc. I especially like the part in Kiss wherein Sandara sings, (translated) "Don't smile, it's so dull" and "Are you a guy by any chance?" Upon reading those, I cracked up but I couldn't help but think it over. Yeah, it is somehow pertaining to Mister Genie since he's a really boring person and he's shy so it's like asking if he really is the guy he claims to be.

Just a little background, Mister Genie is a schoolmate of mine. Not only is he that, he's a friend, an older brother, a confidant, and something else. We connected instantly since we both share the same passion for something [I don't have a lack of words. I'm just substituting it so that if ever he or any of my class/schoolmates read this, they wouldn't know it's him. Only my close friends know.] and because of the fact that the psychological drama he has gone through over the years is the same psychological drama that I am going through now. However, we are different in more ways than we are alike in some. He's a...well, I wouldn't say he's weak but I'd rather say that his personality is much more mellow than mine. To say the least, he's less daring and would rather keep his mouth shut. I'm pretty noisy though I'm not friendly. I just like to make noise with my few close friends. Also, like I said, he's more shy. I may not be popular but I sure know how to put myself in front. He's not like that. I don't see any confidence in him. Sure, he can approach others and talk to them but doing the things I did is somewhat impossible for him.

But nonetheless, I love Mister Genie. Not just as a crush or an admirer [whew! admirer? what the fuck?] but as a friend, a brother, a schoolmate. Why do I love him? I love him because he's a really kind guy despite some shortcomings. Although he may not be as aggressive, arrogant, and cocky as most guys his age, I'd rather like a shy guy than a fly guy. I don't like guys who brag about themselves too much, though I am a person who occasionally brags about herself. Not only that, he respects me though he teases me at times. I told him to stop, he stopped. He's the kind of guy who jokes around for fun and not for the sole purpose of insulting that person. That's the kind of guy I like.

This isn't a campaign or self-promotion. I'm not looking for anyone. Just because I posted my ideal guy's personality doesn't mean I am looking for one.

Thoughts.

I'm having a pretty lonely day today. Why? Cause alot of bad things have been going on. It seems as if I have a shortage of luck/happiness today. Early on this morning, I went to the Guidance Office to talk to our Guidance Counselor. Just a little info, in our school, when the words "Guidance Office" are mentioned, fear strikes the hearts of students. In our school, the words "Guidance Office" are synonymous to punishment, sanctions, expulsions, etc. Trouble, for short. But for me, it's an entire different story. Guidance Office for me is a safe haven. It's a place where I go to when I have problems. It's a safe zone for me. It's heaven for me. I know most students find it weird that I frequent the said place but for me, it's as normal as it gets. It's even more abnormal if I don't visit.

So anyways back to the point, I really felt lonely and the sadness only added up when I opened up to our GC. I told her about how paranoid I am since I feel as if people from my batch hate me. And it's partly true! Ever since the day I started becoming more outgoing and confident, people have been receiving me the wrong way. They started bashing me, being rude to me, hating on me, saying bad stuff about me, and the like. Ever since I started speaking my mind, people have been labeling me as a 'show-off' or a 'rude girl'. Ever since I started dancing and/or performing, people started calling me 'maarte' or an 'attention whore' [Note: these aren't the exact words they used. If they called me an attention whore, let alone a whore, I'd smack them square in the face! Call me what you may but nobody calls me a whore!]. I also told her about how people would distance themselves from me. Don't get it? Alright, I'll give an example. If we are to perform a social dance or a formal dance that requires a partner, nobody would volunteer to be my partner. I would end up with either my best friend or dancing alone. [Dancing alone is better though but I like dancing with my friend. We like acting stupid anyways :))] Or if ever a teacher would select our partners, whoever my partner was would always complain or distance himself and the others would tease him stuff like "Good luck [insert name here]". I don't hit back at them since I know I would get to nowhere but there are times wherein I really yell at them or reprimand them. It's really very annoying how people tend to avoid you. Sure, I may not be one of the prettiest girls around. I'm not that popular and I'm not that stylish but these shouldn't be reasons for you to treat me with utter disrespect. Another example? Whenever I speak in front of the class, I would see some students laughing, not listening, and some would even boldly and bluntly cover their ears. Also, when I announce something and I'm announcing in detail, some would butt in and say that they already know what I'm about to announce. It's so fucking irritating, annoying, angering! They're damn lucky I know how to control my temper cause if I flare up, there's no stopping me.

But I had my share of fun as well. Whenever I'm mad, I would just yell at whoever I was mad at and the entire class would hear it, thus putting the said offender in a whirlwind of humiliation and ridicule. I also had my share of misunderstandings or my so-called "stressed" days. A classic, memorable example of these "stressed" days is when I got into a near fight with my schoolmate cause I told her I wouldn't be able to make the flyers for our DramaFest, or when me and my best friend had a falling out because of something I wrote or it could be the dance thing between me and my best friend.[I'm not careless, I'm just expressive.]. Life indeed has its sweet and sour moments. Just like pork <3.

There's a recurrent thought in my mind. Why do people hate me? What have I done to cause them to dislike me so much? What wrong thing did I do to make them despise me? I accept the fact that I have a very little number of friends but to have more enemies/haters than friends is really something. I don't know about you but I think jealousy is brewing somewhere. I don't mean to brag but I'm not totally incapable or untalented. I can do many things and since I have the confidence to flaunt it, most people could be jealous.

But it's okay, you know! That's what I told myself the moment I started writing this sentence. I don't care what they say, do, or think about me. It's not their opinion that matters. Their thoughts are insignificant, my satisfaction is important. Another example. The dance video of mine that a friend uploaded on Facebook. Sure a lot of people commented positive stuff on it but in this world and in my complicated life, you can never tell who's real and who isn't. But I'm a smart girl. I get the hint. I can tell if what that person posted is real or not. As expected, majority of those who posted comments there, posted fake stuff. Fake praises, fake cheers. Fake people. Like I said, their opinions don't matter. I know I'm not a good dancer for them. They just like to make me their laughing stock or the butt of their jokes. But I don't care about them. They can't control me.

That's another feeling I've been battling: the feeling of worthlessness which could be attributed to the negative comments of other people. People would say that I'm a good dancer. It's flattering but whenever I would dance, I would see them snickering, laughing, giggling, chuckling or any synonym for laughter. Based on their facial expressions and reactions, what do they expect me to think? Of course, that they're laughing at me. What they say is not real. It's nothing but plastic. They're just kidding me. But I don't believe in them. No I don't. I believe in myself. I'm a good dancer. I can dance and I know it. If I'm not a good dancer for them, then that's they're problem. For me, I know what I can and cannot do and dancing is definitely one of those things that I personally excel in. I can't back down now. I've come too far to quit.

All this we discussed. It brought a few tears to my eyes but I must admit, I'm all cried out. My tears have dried. I can't cry anymore. All I can do is feel sad but crying is something that I certainly have forgotten how to do.

I Used To Feel Bad About Myself But Now...

Recently, I have been hearing this Korean pop song entitled "Women's Generation" by SeeYa, Davichi, and Ji Yeon of T-ara. It's a really wonderful song with a catchy melody and although I am unable to understand the lyrics, the title itself speaks for the song. When someone says "Women's Generation", the first thing that comes into my mind is women empowerment or feminism. And I was right! When I watched and English-subbed version of the music video, the lyrics had "more boldly and confident" stuff like that in them. Upon hearing that and reading those, my old personality flashed back before my eyes.

Back when I was in the 6th grade and up to 8th grade or 2nd year high school as we call it here in the Philippines, I was a shy girl. Whenever I felt like saying something, I couldn't raise my voice or say what I feel. I was afraid of what others would say or think about me. I remembered back in my freshman year, when this certain classmate of mine would bully me, I would just scoff off at him or cuss at him under my breath. So low he wouldn't be able to hear it. It sure made him think it's okay so he bullied me until 2nd year. He made me cry twice but I was very weak then. I never wanted to report him to the proper school authorities since I was afraid that they would tease me and call me "teacher's girl" or "sumbungera" [sumbungera in the Philippines is a word we use to refer to kids who tell on their enemies.]. I didn't want to look dependent but I guess I wasn't using my brain at that time. Sure, they didn't look at me as a dependent girl but I was allowing myself to be pushed around which isn't good! Nobody has the right to be bullied and/or taken advantage of. Also, it was during that certain period that I adapted the "follow the leader" strategy in my life. Back then, I never made any decisions for myself. I would rather follow the elder/leader if ever we worked in a group. Whenever they would tell me to do something, I would do it right away for fear that they might get mad at me if I declined. If ever things didn't go my way back then, I would resort to crying. I was too emotional. But the gravest sin of them all, the one I couldn't forgive myself for until now was the fact that I never believed in myself. I always told myself that I wasn't good enough and I'll never be good enough, that I was the ugliest girl in class if not the entire school, that I don't have talents...etc, etc, etc.

Until 3rd year came. Aha! Then it hit me! That's the time when I began to use my brain and decide that my life should be ran by my head and not my heart. I should think and not cry about things. And that's exactly what I did. It began during April. We were vacationing in the United States when I started to do a flashback on my sophomore years. I remembered everything from the first time I entered the classroom to the farewell party with the big pizza. (:D). School year 2008-2009 bore good and bad but all memorable moments for me. Suddenly, I recalled what that classmate did to me. Teasing me, stepping on my brand new US-bought shoes, and hurting me physically. Lying on the soft bed with the warm comforters over me, I began to think... "Do I want this to happen to me again? Do I want to be pushed around, bullied, taken for granted, taken advantage of again? Is this the life I want?". My answer: NO!. A big, fat, chunky NO! Who the hell wants to be taken advantage of? That's when I thought, it's time for change. I better change my personality or else, I'm gonna be a pitiful little girl for the rest of my life. I'm gonna be more hapless than ever. So I thought, this year. This new school year calls for a new me. This school year, I promise to be more confident. I promise to be braver. I promise to stand up for myself whenever I'm oppressed. I promise to believe in myself.

If you think those are just false promises that I said as a defense mechanism , you're dead wrong. Third year is a very remarkable year for me. I kept my promise. I became a bolder, stronger, more daring person. I did things I never thought I could do such as speaking my mind, volunteering for dances, running for Student Council, etc. I became a more cheerful and sunny person. Majority respected me [yes, even that classmate of mine. he couldn't tease me now.] and if ever there are some who didn't, they're not my problem anymore. But for me, this is the life I've always dreamed of living and there isn't a man alive who could tell me that I'm wrong. If they don't like me, I don't care. I believe in myself and that's what's important to me. As long as my family and friends support me and care for me, it doesn't matter what you think and say. This is my life and I'm gonna live it to the fullest!!!!!!!!

Superstar! Shining Star! Super Staaaarr!!!!!!!!!

Yes!!!!! I have found a new hobby! What is that hobby you ask? Well, it just happens to be my next best talent besides writing. Guessed it? Give up? It's none other than dancing. I, Pauffany Soleil [as I prefer to be called now.] have officially created a YouTube account where I could post my dance covers for Korean songs. I have uploaded two videos, namely "Gee" and "Genie" both by famous Kpop girl-group Girls' Generation. How I love the choreography of both songs! Now, I can increase my chances of being discovered and becoming famous! Just kidding! I do this because I love to dance as well.

Oh and just a bit of a background on what I do. What I do is called Dance Cover Cosplay. You may have heard the word 'cosplay' from anime die-hards before but cosplay in my dictionary has an entire different meaning. Cosplay for a dancer like me is dressing up like the stars in the music video and dancing to the EXACT SAME ROUTINE! As most of you have known, the Korean Pop fever is spreading in the Philippines and judging by the popularity of artists like the Wonder Girls, 2NE1 (with former Philippine teen idol Sandara Park), Super Junior, Girls' Generation and more, it looks like there's no cure for this epidemic! Somebody call the doctor 'cause it looks like they've got a patient! It was these groups that made me love dancing 'cause the moment I saw the complex choreographies matched with flamboyant costumes, I got up and started grooving to their tunes. It sure is good to discover new talents just by listening and watching. Who knew I could dance?!

And just some info, yes I do have an account on YouTube. Just search "vertigogodame" and post your comments [if you have a YT account. if you don't, doesn't matter.] Of course, requests are encouraged.