Recently, I have been hearing this Korean pop song entitled "Women's Generation" by SeeYa, Davichi, and Ji Yeon of T-ara. It's a really wonderful song with a catchy melody and although I am unable to understand the lyrics, the title itself speaks for the song. When someone says "Women's Generation", the first thing that comes into my mind is women empowerment or feminism. And I was right! When I watched and English-subbed version of the music video, the lyrics had "more boldly and confident" stuff like that in them. Upon hearing that and reading those, my old personality flashed back before my eyes.
Back when I was in the 6th grade and up to 8th grade or 2nd year high school as we call it here in the Philippines, I was a shy girl. Whenever I felt like saying something, I couldn't raise my voice or say what I feel. I was afraid of what others would say or think about me. I remembered back in my freshman year, when this certain classmate of mine would bully me, I would just scoff off at him or cuss at him under my breath. So low he wouldn't be able to hear it. It sure made him think it's okay so he bullied me until 2nd year. He made me cry twice but I was very weak then. I never wanted to report him to the proper school authorities since I was afraid that they would tease me and call me "teacher's girl" or "sumbungera" [sumbungera in the Philippines is a word we use to refer to kids who tell on their enemies.]. I didn't want to look dependent but I guess I wasn't using my brain at that time. Sure, they didn't look at me as a dependent girl but I was allowing myself to be pushed around which isn't good! Nobody has the right to be bullied and/or taken advantage of. Also, it was during that certain period that I adapted the "follow the leader" strategy in my life. Back then, I never made any decisions for myself. I would rather follow the elder/leader if ever we worked in a group. Whenever they would tell me to do something, I would do it right away for fear that they might get mad at me if I declined. If ever things didn't go my way back then, I would resort to crying. I was too emotional. But the gravest sin of them all, the one I couldn't forgive myself for until now was the fact that I never believed in myself. I always told myself that I wasn't good enough and I'll never be good enough, that I was the ugliest girl in class if not the entire school, that I don't have talents...etc, etc, etc.
Until 3rd year came. Aha! Then it hit me! That's the time when I began to use my brain and decide that my life should be ran by my head and not my heart. I should think and not cry about things. And that's exactly what I did. It began during April. We were vacationing in the United States when I started to do a flashback on my sophomore years. I remembered everything from the first time I entered the classroom to the farewell party with the big pizza. (:D). School year 2008-2009 bore good and bad but all memorable moments for me. Suddenly, I recalled what that classmate did to me. Teasing me, stepping on my brand new US-bought shoes, and hurting me physically. Lying on the soft bed with the warm comforters over me, I began to think... "Do I want this to happen to me again? Do I want to be pushed around, bullied, taken for granted, taken advantage of again? Is this the life I want?". My answer: NO!. A big, fat, chunky NO! Who the hell wants to be taken advantage of? That's when I thought, it's time for change. I better change my personality or else, I'm gonna be a pitiful little girl for the rest of my life. I'm gonna be more hapless than ever. So I thought, this year. This new school year calls for a new me. This school year, I promise to be more confident. I promise to be braver. I promise to stand up for myself whenever I'm oppressed. I promise to believe in myself.
If you think those are just false promises that I said as a defense mechanism , you're dead wrong. Third year is a very remarkable year for me. I kept my promise. I became a bolder, stronger, more daring person. I did things I never thought I could do such as speaking my mind, volunteering for dances, running for Student Council, etc. I became a more cheerful and sunny person. Majority respected me [yes, even that classmate of mine. he couldn't tease me now.] and if ever there are some who didn't, they're not my problem anymore. But for me, this is the life I've always dreamed of living and there isn't a man alive who could tell me that I'm wrong. If they don't like me, I don't care. I believe in myself and that's what's important to me. As long as my family and friends support me and care for me, it doesn't matter what you think and say. This is my life and I'm gonna live it to the fullest!!!!!!!!
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